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Letters of eclectic commentary featuring the wit and wisdom of a garrulous geezer and {Dana}, a persistent hallucination and charming literary device.
"Truth is stranger than fiction, because fiction is obliged to stick to probability, and truth ain't." -Mark Twain (corrupted, but improved)
Dear Gentlereaders,
A long time ago in a column far, far away...
{Hold up there, Sparky, that doesn't make any sense.}
True. I'm referring to a column I wrote a long time ago, Dana. It's a cheap clever ploy, along with the title of this column, to snag an unsuspecting reader or two who might think they're clicking on a post about Star Wars.
{Clickbait. Got it.}
No-no-no. It's a clever ploy; clever ploys are covered by my poetic license.
The column in question mentions a fictional organization I created out of thin air called the IUPPPP&PVTTOT, which is short for the International Union of Professional Perpetually Protesting Protestors and Perpetual Victims of This, That, and the Other Thing.
{More clickbait. Got it.}
No-no-no. Merely witty satire, which is also covered by my poetic license.
Truth, as Lord Byron pointed out in Canto 14 of his epic poem, Don Juan, is stranger than fiction.
{Gimme a break, you've never read...}
Byron's poetry is only one example of the many things I've never read, nor plan to. I was about to say that I discovered this because of my predilection for looking up the origin of commonly used quotes/phrases. Irregardless, the truth is often stranger than fiction.
For example:
If, like me, you somehow missed the latest nationwide, Because Trump, protest march, permit me to get you caught up.
John Lewis, a civil rights icon famous for (among other things) leading the first march across the Edmund Pettus Bridge in 1965 that resulted in the unarmed marchers being attacked by a gaggle of good ol' boys — cleverly disguised as state and local police officers — with nightsticks and teargas. An incident that has been known ever since as Bloody Sunday.
Mr. Lewis, who went on to become a congressman who represented Atlanta from 1987 to 2020, died on 7/17/20. He's credited with coining the phrase good trouble, by which he meant nonviolent protestors getting together to object to an injustice of one sort or another.
{Shouldn't that be congressperson?}
Last month, a nationwide Good Trouble Live On protest took place on 7/17/25, which you may have missed, as it was kind of a bust. Note to self, don't schedule a nationwide protest to take place on a Thursday, timing is important. Also, don't try to capitalize on the reputation of a lesser-known civil rights icon who died five years ago. Five years ago is ancient history nowadays.
{So, who exactly put this thing together, or tried to anyway?}
Obviously, you're a product of my subconscious, Dana. I also wondered about that, fascinated as I am by the hundred million or so global nonprofit organizations staffed by people whose job it is to seek justice and promote protests and who inspired my fictional creation, the IUPPPP&PVTTOT.
I did a deep dive into the WWCK (worldwide web of contradictory knowledge), but was unable to pin it on a specific individual or organization. The Good Trouble Lives On website mentions a handful of "Partners." I stopped counting when I got to 100.
While searching the web for info about the poorly executed protest, I came across an organization called Crowds on Demand, "...your home for impactful advocacy campaigns, demonstrations, crowds for hire and corporate events."
Yes, Virginia, a bit o'-googlin will reveal to you that there are firms that will supply bodies for your protest -- if the check clears. In fact, there are several. Back when I created the IUPPPP&PVTTOT, I had never even heard of Crowds on Demand. I was vaguely aware there were/are various and sundry such firms, but I've never looked into the phenomenon till recently.
{Yet another failure by this column's official current events junkie, it would seem.}
Thanks for pointing that out, Dana. I was also surprised to discover that this sort of thing is hardly carried out in the shadows. While I imagine that in most cases, neither the organizers of a given protest nor the firm supplying sign-carrying H. sapiens want you to be aware that at least some of the alleged protesters in your town are actually employees...
{More likely independent contractors, I would think. Companies that make their money via gig workers and people trying to survive via side hustles prefer that the help deal with their own taxes and the like.}
The CEO of Crowds On Demand wants the world to know that the bodies his firm supplies to his customers are carefully screened. If violence and looting break out at your "mostly peaceful protest," it won't be because of the people rented from his company.
{I wonder if there's a money-back guarantee?}
Adam Swart, the CEO of Crowds on Demand, explains in the video that his firm also has high standards when deciding on whether or not to do a deal with a given customer.
Mr. Swart says he was offered $20,000,000 to supply protestors for the failed Good Trouble Lives On protest, but he turned it down. Not because he necessarily disagreed with the aims of those who organized this Because Trump protest, but for professional reasons.
He explains his reason is the same reason George Clooney doesn't appear in Marvel movies: Integrity. If he doesn't think a given protest will be effective in accomplishing its goals, he's prepared to leave the money on the table so as to maintain his company's reputation.
Crowds on Demand is in the "persuasion business," you see, and has to protect its brand.
{ }
I know, right? While some of us might think that supplying paid protestors to whomever is willing to pay is morally dubious, Mr. Swart apparently doesn't. He is a professional, however, and wants us to know that he won't accept your $20,000,000 if he thinks you're wasting your dough.
{So who offered him the money?}
He won't say, that would be unprofessional.
{I wonder if he charges extra for picket signs?}
Colonel Cranky
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